What it's like to be "alone" in this lifestyle

I sometimes (often) wonder if I am destined to just never find anyone with whom I can envision a committed, long term relationship. I get brief glimpses of what life could be like if I had a significant other, but nothing ever sticks; or, rather, no one ever sticks. Having my community, Sensual BDSM~only BETTER,  gives me something to fall back on--I love our members, they are great people and bring a lot of beauty and laughter into my world.

Despite that, in many ways, being part of a large community reminds me of just how solitary my journey in this lifestyle has become. I don't do the things that everyone else seems to do: No munches, no video chats, no "hangouts," no mentors, no "play" Doms--none of it. And, not because I have anything against those things, they certainly work well for other people and have merit as alternatives to meeting other like-minded folk--but none of these methods for socializing can work in my own world.

I think part of my own rejection of dipping my toes into the let's-hook-up-online culture is that it feels so scattered and artificial to me. These alternatives all require a certain level superficiality. I am not ready to spread myself thin across various platforms for broadcasting myself. I am not at all tempted by any of the online options.

Munches are a different story, in that I cannot risk attending these for all kinds of personal and professional reasons that I will not bore you with here, but you get the idea, I am sure. This lifestyle necessitates a certain level of caution.

So, that is what I must contend with: I know what I am and who I am and I know that playing at submission is not right for me. And, to be honest, playing at relationships is something that has never interested me in the slightest. I want the real thing and if I cannot have it then I would prefer nothing at all.

At the risk of sounding arrogant or snobby, I will admit that the other "thing" that isolates me, if you can call it a "thing," is my level of intelligence and education. I am, if all goes well, completing my PhD this year. It's been my experience that there are a LOT of super-smart, well-educated submissives out there and LEGIONS of men who call themselves dominant who are actually quite dim, unambitious, uneducated, and still exactly where they were when they graduated high school (like living in their parents' basement, for example). Contrastingly, the same cannot be said for the Dominant women I have encountered. ALL of whom are well-educated and most of whom work in high-level professions in vanilla life.

I'm fortunate that in the vanilla areas of my life I know a great many brilliant people. I am equally fortunate that in my "fet" life I know a great many extremely smart people. That said, I can never seem to find the right amalgamation of intellect and interest in kink to match up with my intellect and interest in kink. It just never aligns.

In the vanilla areas of my life I have forged lots of great relationships. Of course having friends who are vanilla is a lot different than having friends in the lifestyle(s). It presupposes a certain level of smoke and mirrors. I can never let them know the other side of me, the side they would never understand and likely not accept. And, that weighs heavily on me at times because I have an honesty complex. That is, I am not the type who likes to lie. The irony is, of course, that I must lie-by-omission to my vanilla counterparts. I can never be truly honest with them. So, I keep people at a general "safe" distance, which leaves me at the periphery of the circles I move through. I can never risk moving toward the center.

My vanilla friends are always trying to "set me up" with one guy or another. Of course, I resist and often reject their attempts outright. I do not want to subject some sweet, unassuming vanilla guy to the realization that his idea of "exciting sex" bores the HolyFuckYouCallThisInteresting out of me.

So, there it is in a nutshell. Being alone in this lifestyle is frustrating and disorienting. But there is not much I can do about that.